Money and men: Do we look for both?
By Tania Prestidge
"We're only in it for love." "We don't care what they do for a living; we love them for who they are."
Two phrases that most women would say about the dream man they are dating, in a relationship with, engaged or married to. But really, are we in it for pure love of the man and who they are as a person or do we look for something more in our dream man? Something like a man who has a good paying job who is also everything we ever wanted, all boxes ticked off?
I asked a guy friend of mine, who is currently single and has been in many relationships with women, about what his past relationships were like for him and how he felt. His response was that his relationships never went well because he assumes that he never had enough money to spoil his woman at the time. So when I asked him that in his view a relationship has to work when the man has to have a stable job to earn a lot of money he replied with a short 'yeah I guess so.'
So this makes me question myself as a woman who has been through relationships with men from different backgrounds (not ethnic): Do most of us women look for a man who knows how to earn his money so he can spend it on surprises for us? Do we expect too much in a man that we lose ourselves in our fantasies or big houses and expensive cars?
When I look back at the men I have been in a relationship with and the man I am with, it is easy to see that as a woman, I also want a man who is stable and knows how to impress a woman like me if we do end up moving in together down the track. Not a man who is 'stuck in the rut' with the same dead end job, playing computer games and not communicating with me because of this obsession or a man who is too lazy to even get a job or start making his own life.
Looking at the man I am in a relationship with at present, he seems to be the dreamy kind I have been looking for. In looks, he has those mesmerizing blue eyes and soft dark hair. He is also tall and seems to always keep himself in good health. He also has a stable job and he is always ever changing and plans on getting an apprenticeship in mechanics and also work on some cooking skills. Very impressive I would have to say compared to the others I have gone out with. I do not go out with him for money, as for me, a guy with a stable job who is responsible and knows what he wants in life is just a bonus as it is the personality that I go for like many other women would say.
With the 'stuck in the ruts' I find that sometimes it was always up to me to try to encourage them hinting that they could do better somewhere else and that they have talent that could help them earn a bit more money (or that, after doing a course, they would be able to take up a better job. And this was after some discussion with other people about them, like his relatives). And with this lot, I find that even though they try their hardest, which is something I admit I admire about these men, sometimes, they end up borrowing money from their friends to help out with impressing their woman. Which I find okay, if the man doesn't mention it. Or it sometimes ends up the woman pays.
But I sometimes discover that some stuck in the ruts are also gamers who spend most of their money on games or game cards (which cost at least forty dollars for a world of warcraft game card, enough to go to the movies) for online games, one popular one called World of Warcraft, a game which, as I have researched and found in many articles and relationship help sites online, apparently ruins the many relationships of today's modern women, myself included. Some of the articles that describe how 'potentially dangerous' World of Warcraft, better known as WoW, ruins or attempts to ruin relationships can be found in the following list. These articles and other similar sites clearly describe the frustrations and inner sufferings of many women (sometimes men, mostly women including me) who end up with such men:
· 'People who want to hurt whoever made world of warcraft': http://www.43things.com/things/view/29930/hurt-whoever-made-world-of-warcraft
· How to stop your boyfriend playing World of Warcraft (the steps did not really help me but it might help someone who is facing breaking point because of it) http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Your-Boyfriend-from-Playing-World-of-Warcraft
· 'Boyfriend addicted to WoW': http://www.dearcupid.org/question/boyfriend-addicted-to-world-of-warcraft.html
· 'Help! World of Warcraft is ruining my relationship' http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article5054851.ece
Now with the lazy men who just want to sit about watching their television at old cartoons and drink a lot of beer and other alcoholic beverages and not find a job, this was one selection of men I was always frustrated with whenever I went out with them. I was the one who had to pay a lot (and to think I am only a university student) and help them look for the job or at least a tafe course. In the end, there were all these excuses ranging from "I'm just waiting for the right one to come along" "I will look for one later" "I don't want that kind of job" or "I don't want to do some more study, I've had enough of it from high school" making me feel more frustrated and stressed than when I was single and free. How would these men impress us or surprise us? Pop over the house with a movie rental or watch a movie from the selection available. As nice as it is, when one goes through the same thing over and over again almost every week, it becomes boring, dull and almost lifeless you wonder if you're living with a man, a walrus or a lifeless blob. Or all three. Only time this kind of man would impress anyone is when he actually starts looking for a job then hallelujah, a miracle has happened and the walrus and blob has actually turned himself into a hardworking man and joined the rest of society.
So in conclusion, even though many of us women say we look for a man and not going for the money they earn, we also secretly and with some guilt also look for a man who has at least a good paying job. Stuck in the ruts and lazy men would only make many women who date them frustrated with their relationships. This may be that when they see a man who has a good paying job and is either single or taken by her best friend, she's going to secretly be envious and wished she would have waited for a better man to come along to spoil her. Because in the end, a man who is striving to impress a woman is better than a man who is stuck in the rut in a dead end job spending time on games like World of Warcraft or a lazy man who has no job you might as well think of him as a lazy walrus or a lifeless blob.