My boyfriend has a lot of difficulty with the fact that I still see my ex and we're still close. We didn't break up because of anything bad and we made the choice to stay friends which has worked well but ever since I started seeing John, it's hassles all the time about it. I'm not prepared to give up my ex, and it's getting to crunch time. Why should I have to make a choice between two people I love? It doesn't seem fair. What's your opinion on this?
A. In principle, I think people should stay friends if at all possible after a break-up.
Sometimes, this isn't possible but I personally think it's sad when you've loved someone, to end up distant, cold and often, even hateful.
However, anything can be taken too far. Have you offered a compromise to your new boyfriend? I know it can be very painful for a new partner if exes are hanging around too much. You need to see it from John's point of view and make some tough choices, even if it's only cutting down the amount or type of contact.
If on the other hand, you truly believe that your contact with your ex is not excessive and that John's just being petty and jealous, then you must stand your ground as no-one has the right to tell you whom you should or should not spend time with. If you let him dictate to you about this, it could be about somethingelse later until you're not your own person anymore.
Try talking this out candidly with John and see if you can't arrive at a workable compromise.
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