What to do when your partner is more intrigued by computers than with you...
We are living in a world of technology. The technology we have at our fingertips is always changing and there is consistently something new to buy, try and be challenged with. When a new program is about to be released that somehow is supposed to make our life easier, there is often commotion and a serious buzz.
Technology appears to be a never-ending road with which we have embarked upon. Compared to our parents and our parent's parents, many of us think we have it so much easier due to computers, videos, DVD's and electronic toys. But with obesity growing at a dangerously high rate especially in our children, one has to ask; is technology a friend or foe?
Computers, video and computer games and other technological paraphernalia is often the subject of heated discussions in women's social circles (including mine!) And the topic is usually something like "My husband drives me crazy! He never wants to do anything except for play his stupid 'shoot-em-up' PlayStation games". The other popular theme in these kinds of discussions is "I can't get my partner to do anything around the house! He says he is working but I walk in to find him messaging his buddies on the computer!" Another common one is "We were supposed to be saving for a holiday and now we have a new printer, 3 new computer games and the latest software and equipment to make the computer and Internet faster than ever!"
And in conjunction with these niggling frustrations, resentment and bitterness can begin to harbour, when the once flat stomach and relatively 'in shape' guy you used to live with somehow magically flaunts a growing pot belly, stubble and incredibly bad breath. And when the so-called "home office" starts to resemble a house under investigation by the DHS which you saw on last nights 'A Current Affair', it could be difficult to resist the urge to pack a bag and run.
Anything here sound familiar?
Well the comforting discovery is it doesn't all have to be bad news. There is hope out there. Here are some of our tips for what to do if your partner is suffering with this dreaded disease:
- Turn a blind eye. Ok this may be easier said than done, but if things aren't too bad you could take this easy way out for the sake of your own sanity. When he is doing his computer thing, use the time to read, go for a walk, call a friend or go shopping!
- If your guy is growing in all the wrong places then gently hint to him how you saw a guy down the street who looked great with the most incredible body. Go on to say what a turn-on it is when guys really look after themselves and take pride in their appearance.
- Sit down with him (Away from all the equipment) and explain to him how important it is to you that you spend time together away from the house. Plan some outings and do it regularly so he gets a taste again for what being out and about is like.
- If he is spending all your savings on his addiction to technology, set up a tighter budget. Talk to him and tell him why you are doing this and to refresh his sense of adventure, show him the brochures of the paradise islands you both wanted to visit.
If he is reasonable and has common sense he will see which options are the best. Either that or tell him for every amount he spends on computer equipment, you will spend the same again on some new clothes and shoes!
If he still wants to spend the money on computer equipment and there is no middle ground - then ask yourself; do you really want to be with someone like this forever? Something tells me you'll end up hating each other!
- Bribe him. Tell him if he leaves the games and computer stuff alone for the whole day you'll run a warm bubble bath that you can both soak in together and give each other massages... Surely this will remind him that there are far more fun things to do!?!
- Get firmer! If he isn't doing his share of the housework and forgets take out the bins, you need to get tough. Unless he is a complete ass and has lost his sense of fair play (in which case you don't want him) you should be able to get through to his logic and show him how unfair he is being. Ask him how he would feel if he had to do everything around the house and he repetitively had to remind you to do things.
- If desperate circumstances are called for, go and stay with a friend for a couple of weeks and let him live in his own mess. Make sure there is little if no food in the house so that he doesn't have the luxury of you cooking his meals and shopping for the groceries.
(Women have a tendency to just go ahead and do something because they can't wait any longer which often means the guys win out!) He will have to do his own washing, ironing, cooking, shopping and taking out of the rubbish. If he doesn't realise in this time what a pain in the backside he has been to live with, then you really need to look at your relationship in general. If he doesn't respect you enough to listen to what matters to you, then you probably won't ever find a happy medium.
- Last chance - start using all the equipment so he can never use it and see how he likes it when you're never really "there"
Hopefully your man is mature enough to understand that life is more than a box of chocolates, beer , computer games and television. Sometimes we can all be guilty of finding something we love and enjoying it so much that other areas of our life suffer without us even realising. However, hopefully it shouldn't take much more than a little hint or reminder to let your man know what the most important thing in his life is - YOU!
Can he kiss the computer? Can the computer give him a massage? Will technology engage him in witty and intelligent conversation that will make him laugh? Can the video games cook him a delicious dinner? Is he able to go out and have fun with the video recorder?
If you answer yes to any of these things ... please pack a suitcase and run!
- Michelle Palmer