I've got a bit of a problem with libido at the moment and I'm wondering ifyou can help me. I'm in a mutual relationship with my boyfriend who, likeme is 19, and we have been together for almost a year. Recently (in thelast couple of months) we have not had much sexual contact, mainly due tothe fact that when we have an opportunity to be alone, I'm tired or not able todo anything physically. He is okay with this but I feel as though I'mletting him and myself down. There are times when I have loads of energyand can be intimate many times in the one night, but then there are days Ifeel like I couldn't bring myself to it at all, even with the same amount of sleep,activity etc.
When we are sexual together, it is very energetic. We havefought a lot recently, but I've wanted to make up for it and don't want todisappoint him. We both want it to be like how it was before. We also findit hard to make time for each other much (both have work, uni etc atdifferent times) so I feel like when we are actually together rather thantalking on the phone, I owe it to him to make the most of that. I feel pressured by myself but I don't know why because he is accepting (although I can tell inside he is frustrated). Can you please give me some tips as to how to get back my prior feelings?
A. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. I realise when you're 19,you expect to be sexual all day every day but please keep in mind that weare not machines. As humans, variations in feelings, activity, energy, moodsetc are all par for the course, especially taking into account all thestresses of life these days.
You have a busy life and it's perfectly natural to feel more energetic andsexual some days and not others. Anyway, sex is one area of life whereconsistency is not highly prized. It's much better to allow the element ofsurprise and be as relaxed as possible so that there is the minimum ofpressure in your relationship.
You're doing fine - really!
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