Non Committal

I've been living with a guy for two years. We have a very good relationship generally but for the fact that he doesn’t want to make a commitment and he doesn’t want to jointly own property or anything like that. I feel as if he wants things to stay open-ended so he can leave if he feels like it. I've put this to him but he says he loves me and is very happy as things are.

He pays me a set amount towards household expenses each week but we live a very elegant lifestyle and I need more from him. He’s always got an excuse if I ask for more money and I'm just feeling very insecure about the whole situation. Should I force an ultimatum or leave well enough alone, hoping for the best?
Marg, Darwin

You don’t have to `hope for the best' in life. You are allowed to stand up for what you want but you don’t have to be aggressive about it. Rather than just asking and getting fobbed off, set a deadline for a decision to be made between you. That way, it doesn’t feel like an ultimatum as such just make it clear that you’re not happy with the current situation and you’d like to make some positive changes.

Try to get to the bottom of his reluctance to commit. Perhaps he’s been badly hurt in the past and is wary of tying himself up again. If you want to get married or in some other way, formalise your relationship, and he doesn’t, there could be a serious problem brewing that requires immediate attention.

Once uyou know what you’re dealing with, you then have the option to stay on in the relationship and just hang loose until either he changes his mind, you find someone who will make a commitment or you decide you like things as they are, or you can break up now. Honesty and communication are the two key factors in a healthy relationship. Make sure you’ve got those and the rest should work out.


Body Talk Column is hosted by Charmaine Saunders. www.charmainesaunders.comSend your requests to femail@femail.com.au attention Charmaine.




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