Need for Space

How do I deal with my girlfriend’s need for space and her inability to assure me that it’s not me but her. I am afraid that when she asks for space, she will not dump me because of my personality traits but because she doesn’t want me to go through the hurt even though I don’t mind as I love her so much.

You sound bitterly insecure about this girl. And any relationship based on hurt that only runs one way is not about love but about self-abuse.

Okay, how do you know that she wants to break up at all? My advice to you is to start with that question. Use your own powerful intuition to judge the truth. She may genuinely feel the need for a break at the moment but not necessarily a break-up! Couldn’t you just ask her straight out as you’ve outlined it to me? It is not her job to reassure you. You need to know your own worth and not be afraid to risk being honest and vulnerable.

If you’re right and she’s trying to ease you out painlessly, tell her you’d rather be told this. If not, trust her to come back when she’s ready. You can’t force someone to be honest or tell you what you want to hear. Either you have a real relationship or you don’t. Has it occurred to you that your fear of losing her is causing the very tension that she seeks a break from? Back off a little and don’t focus on getting dumped or hurt. If you really love her, you will think about what she needs whilst looking after your own interests. You sound expectant of being a victim and unfortunately, our expectations often create our lives so try to think more positively.

Body Talk Column is hosted by Charmaine Saunders. www.charmainesaunders.comSend your requests to attention Charmaine.