Living a Lie

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. We're both in our early twenties. The beginning of our relationship was very bad. We would fight about everything. We both knew that we rushed into the relationship. We were each other's "first". He didn't have a lot of experience with girls and so he would do a lot of things that I felt were disrespectful and unsensitive. Anyway, almost a year into the relationship he cheated on me. I found out six months later when his best friend's sister and fiance told me when we were all alone. The guys had gone to the park to play basketball. I was devastated. When I confronted him, he tried to hold on to his lie but then he confessed. He swore it meant nothing and that it was a huge mistake and that he felt so bad and was afraid to tell me because he feared losing me. He said this mistake made him realize how much he loved me. He also said that he and the girl didn't really complete the "act. He said he left before it could get too intense.

The hardest part of all this was that the six month span in between the event and when I found out, were the happiest we had ever been. I soon realized it was all a lie. He felt guilty. Anyway, it's been 3 years later and I have lost something in him that I haven't been able to get back. I know that things are different and so does he. I can't seem to get back to that safe place in my heart. Even though we had problems in the beginning, I loved him. Now I'm not sure if I do anymore. What do I do? HELP!!!!!

A/ You shouldn't be too sure that the happy six months you had together was a lie. Yes, he did the wrong thing by cheating and then covering up but this is a common scenario and the most hurtful part is the betrayal. Trust takes a lot of time to regain. After three years, if you don't feel you have got it back, maybe you should seriously think about giving up. But be sure it is not hurt pride and the disappointment of your idealistic belief in the relationship that has prevented you opening up to this man again. He said having the affair made him realise he loved you and I would say his actions have proven that to be true. You also say that you were both very inexperienced at the start and he was probably too immature to appreciate what he had with you.

Weigh everything up and don't let the infidelity be the only significant factor. Make your decision based on both the strengths and the weaknesses of what you have together.

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