Interferring Ex-Wife

I have been with my partner just over 4 years now and my problem is his ex-wife. We have 4 children between us, two are his and two are mine. Mine live with us and we have his children every weekend.

I feel that she interferes to much in our relationship - she constantly rings him, most things that need to be arranged have to fit in with her plans (eg Christmas) and when we have been at certain outings that she has been invited to as well, she constantly sits there making nasty comments to me and the more she drinks, the worse she gets. In my eyes she is acting like she hasn't let go and still treats everything like she did when she was married to my partner.

I feel I have been very patient with her, hoping that she will get over it. She has a man of her own now but it seems to make no difference, she never takes him anywhere with her like they are a couple. She would rather stand next to my partner, him in the middle, me on one side and her on the other. I feel like I am in a competition.

For the sake of the children, especially his children, I have never said anything to her but I am finding myself getting very close to exploding. I am at the point where I hate her and can't stand to be anywhere near her, and the situation is making me feel very unhappy.

I have a great relationship with my partner, except for the ex-wife part. Can you offer me some advice on how to deal with this situation?

A. Exes can often pose a problem or challenge to new relationships but yoursituation sounds way past tolerable. It's pretty clear to me that either hisex-wife wants your partner back or she can't let go. I'd love to say justignore her bad manners but I'm afraid you need to take her aside and tellher to back off or better still, get your guy to do it. Please don't waittill you end up blowing because you've let things go too long. Put somereasonable boundaries in place, make no apologies and see that everyoneknows the game-plan for the future.

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