How to Win a Break Up

How to Win a Break Up

Ending a long-term relationship is extremely hard, not to mention heart-breaking and lonely. Not only do you have to deal with an empty bed you have to decide (or fight about) who gets to keep the dog, the couch and the plasma. You also have to pull at heart strings and change your Facebook status back to 'single'.

After the first couple of weeks (or months) when you start to re-live life you have to be prepared to see your ex face-to-face, whether it is at a party or at the local hot spot; is this your worst nightmare? What if he is with his new partner? Stay cool, take a breath and read on to make sure you can keep your cool and 'win' this break up.

Interview with Samantha Brett

Samantha Brett channels Jennifer Aniston in Bounty Hunter, now available on DVD, to guide you through these tricky social situations and ultimately ensures you have the knowledge to 'win' your break up.

After a break up, how can a couple decide who gets to keep the pet, the furniture and any appliances?

Samantha Brett: It is a little bit of an issue. I was with my boyfriend, for eight years and we had the furniture issue. Basically, all the stuff that I choose, such as the paintings, vases and a coffee table I got to keep. He bought the couch and got it covered with something Italian; I said "you keep the couch and I'll take the other things that I chose".

Whatever you are attached to, you have to bargain for. I had to bargain and say "look I'm moving into my own place and I want my paintings back". After I said that we went through a little bit of an argument, but you have to think about what you are attached to and ask yourself what is worth fighting for, if it is worth fighting for, you should fight for. At the end of the day you can come through and compromise.


How can we stop ourselves trying to run back to our ex?

Samantha Brett: I think it is very difficult; it is a familiar territory of someone who understands you and is someone who you really deeply love. I have the 30 Day Ex Detox Diet- basically it goes through week-by-week and day-by-day how you can delete that person from your life. It covers everything from deleting them off Facebook to taking all their emails and forwarding them to a girlfriend to keep and then deleting them off the computer, so you don't read over them all the time. I also suggest that if you do feel like contacting your ex now say "I am going to give myself two days, so today is Monday, so on Wednesday at 4pm if I still want to contact him, then I'll contact him then". Then, by Wednesday 4pm comes around you're obviously way too busy to be thinking about your ex, you need to try and keep pushing it back and pushing it back as far as you can.


Is stopping all direct contact with our ex a good idea?

Samantha Brett: I think for 30 days you absolutely need to do that. Every time you have contact with them it opens up old wounds and it sets up back a couple of months, it really does.


How important is it to get rid of all of your ex's things?

Samantha Brett: It is really important because any reminders open up old wounds and especially emails, you can sit there reading emails from a time when you were really in love or after you'd had an amazing moment or great weekend. If you read your emails back, you put yourself back into the old mindset, when it was so great, and you think 'I want that back' but the thing is you broke up for a reason and after a while you really need to focus on why you broke up.

It is a good idea to write a list of reasons why you broke up and keep it in your wallet and go through it when you feel those moments, or by mistake you see an email or see anything that reminds you. If you have the five reasons why you broke up, you will be reminded that you broke up for a reason and the chemistry that we shared is no longer there.


How is the best way to act and stay cool, when you see your partner out for the first time, since the breakup?

Samantha Brett: This is something I love about the film, The Bounty Hunter. There is a part where Jennifer Aniston looks absolutely incredible- she has her hair done, a spray tan, she is wearing the most amazing clothes - she is unbelievable. That's the advice I give to woman; you have to put your best foot forward all the time, after your breakup don't sit at home, do it for a few days then GET UP and hit the gym, do exercise, get your hair done, get your colour done, get a spray tan, get a manicure just to make sure you look and feel your absolute best. Then, when you bump into your ex you don't have the cringe factor you know that you are a beautiful woman and you can just smile, ask them how they are politely and then exit.


What about if they are with another girl?

Samantha Brett: If they're with another person you really have to pull yourself together. This happened to a girlfriend of mine. She bumped into her ex and he was with another girl she was polite, said "hello, nice to meet you" and she kept a smile on her face and then walked away. Of course we all feel like we want to burst out crying, it is probably the worst thing to know your ex has moved on before you. You just need to suck it up for those three minutes, pretend that everything is okay. You do need to prepare yourself before, I know that if I see my ex and his with someone else I am going to have to prepare myself prior. I know that I can bump into him at anytime and I am going to tell myself 'he is with someone, pull it together, smile, be polite and then walk off."

I did see an ex from my past, a while back and I remember I saw him with his, just engaged, new fiancé and I cracked it. I turned around and I couldn't breathe. But for those two minutes I was holding it together and I quickly turned away. I believe you have to be as mature as possible.


Ultimately, how can we win a breakup?

Samantha Brett: The most important thing is to always be the bigger person:
Don't lash out at your ex; don't scream at them for doing anything.
Don't be angry at them if they have moved on.
Don't be angry if they're talking to your friends, even if you feel like they should be your friends and not talk to your ex.
Take it all really calmly and pretend that you have your head screwed on and be the bigger person. If they try and contact you or want to talk to you, talk to them, be rational and always remember and have a list about the reasons why you broke up.

The Bounty Hunter DVD

Cast: Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler
Director: Andy Tennant
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Rated: M
Running Time: 110 minutes

Milo Boyd (Gerard Butler), a down-on-his-luck bounty hunter, gets his dream job when he is assigned to track down his bail-jumping ex-wife, reporter Nicole Hurly (Jennifer Aniston). Milo expects an easy payday, but nothing is ever easy with him and Nicole. The exes continually one-up each other - until they find themselves on the run for their lives.

Special Features:
Making The Bounty Hunter
Rules for outwitting a bounty hunter
Stops along the road: Hunting locations

The Bounty Hunter
RRP: $39.95

Samantha Brett is an internationally recognised expert on all things dating, sex and relationships. As an author, columnist, writer, TV and radio host, she is featured daily on media outlets across the globe expounding wisdom on all things dating, relationships and sex.

Sam has recently created, produced and hosted a television series titled 'The S- Word: Sex Secrets USA' filmed in LA and New York interviewing the world's top psychologists, authors, celebrities and sexperts, including Heidi Klum, Eva Mendes and Neil Strauss, on all things sex, dating and relationships.

Sam's third book, The Chase was released in February 2010 and features extensive surveys, research and interviews with over half a million men. She is currently writing her fourth book and bides her time between LA and Sydney.

Interview by Brooke Hunter