Q. My partner doesn't like going out very much. I don't want to stay home all the time but neither do I want to become like those couples who just do everything separately. we've only been married a year and already I can feel this issue dividing us. He was okay at first but more and more now, he's becoming a homebody and I spend most of the weekend bored and listless. I've tried discussing it but it hasn't helped.
Please help. I'm desperate.
A. This is a common problem. You are going through the difficult adjustment period in a new marriage and lots of things will come up for review. As with most relationship issues, compromise is the key. The worst thing you can do is to take firm opposing sides and refuse to budge as this will create a power struggle which will begin to permeate the other areas of your life.
Your husband probably doesn't understand how important your feelings are on this matter. It isn't just about socialising and going out but the desire to be considered, to have a voice in the partnership. Am I right? Explain it to him in these terms then ask him what he likes to do apart from staying home! Perhaps you simply haven't worked out the right formula yet. I don't believe that married couples should have to do everything together but having no interests or social pleasures in common can lead to a separateness that will come between you if not arrested early in your marriage.
Nagging and complaining is about the worst thing you could do so sit down quietly and work out a compromise even if your husband only agrees to an occasional night out, it'll be a start. Develop your own interests in the meantime - join groups, take courses, get fit, whatever you want. Have such a good time, your hubby will beg to join in!
Once you ascertain what he likes, go ahead and book in for these things, he might grumble but he'll probably enjoy them once he gets out. Don't let this situation take hold even if it means counseling in the initial stages of your life together.
Body Talk Column is hosted by Charmaine Saunders. www.charmainesaunders.com
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