Tickle Me Pink - Secret Life Of Men Edition 4

Tickle Me Pink - Secret Life Of Men Edition 4


Christmas and the beginning of a new year is usually a special time to us all, and I'm no different. It was this time, 2 years ago, that my longest and most meaningful relationship ended. It was mainly because I got the 3-week itch. Being 'that' time of year, I went out and painted the town red -- or should that be pink.

My friends took me to the establishment I was to decorate. I began to impulsively survey the area for potential 'talent'. My brain then reminded my eyes (and my other brain) that this was a gay bar.

Being the 22nd century and not at all homophobic, I have gay friends. In fact being the 22nd century, those gay friends proudly boast about having straight friends, which is why they suggested we attend the gay bar. It was mainly to show me off like I was a trophy friend. They also said I had a good chance of meeting a girl. Excellent! Apparently bars for men who 'bat' with other men have an untapped resource of ladies, who are looking for straight guys. Even better!

And of course it makes perfect sense. Girls complain that all the good guys are straight, so why not hang out with a gay guy. At least you know where you stand and you get to be around some beautiful people on the inside and out as well as be exposed to these 'resources'. My odds were looking good and I thought I couldn't lose.

But I did.

You see being the 22nd century it's not as easy as it was in the 21st century to spot a man who preferred 'bangers' over mash. And it is just as hard in a gay bar, no matter what you get told. I didn't expect it to be such a daunting task, it was however my 'Everest' to climb.

Out of the small percentage of ladies present an even smaller amount were potential talent -- you might argue that as a straight man in a gay bar I had little basis to be fussy, however I wholeheartedly disagree - now was not a time to compromise standards.

I stood at the bar and quickly narrowed the field to 4.
In one corner was an 'over 40' and she was happily celebrating her anniversary with her husband. Good for her. The 2nd lady who caught my eye, turned out to be a man with breasts. Nice chest, but not my cup of tea. Hmmm... the odds were not looking too good.

And just as MY luck would have it, the two chicks who were left weren't about to leave their gay friend for any straight guy.
I came to the conclusion that gay bars were, like all other "untapped resources", not a resource at all.
Do you remember when supermarkets, bookshops and gyms were a great place to meet a mate? I can't - and of course they never were because it's not a natural thing to be buying a litre of milk and then end up going out to dinner with the person buying carrots.
It's just NOT the role of the bookshop to introduce two people of the opposite sex and sadly (well for me) it's not the role of the gay bar either.


- Matt Simpson

If you're a token straight friend and have picked up a member of the opposite sex at a gay bar, supermarket, bookshop or gym send me an email to the address below or log on to the Forum and tell the whole world how you conquered this feat. > Males Unmasked





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