Your Say - Positive Parenting


Every night before our daughter goes to sleep we ask her "who loves you?", she answers, "me, mummy, daddy".......and continues to go through everyone she knows. Then we tell her "your brave, clever, kind and loving, and we are better for having you in our lives", she smiles and closes her eyes to sleep.

Positive parenting is remembering that you are the adult. Children and babies observe much more than we realise, their brains are like sponges. Toddlers can't always communicate what they want and it must be very frustrating when nobody understands you, a bit like being in a foreign country. When you finally work out what your child is trying to say, get down to eye level and repeat it. This usually averts a tantrum because they know you understand.
  • Karen



    I have 3 little boys and like to spend as much time as possible playing withthem and reading to them. I would like to encourage all parents to readdaily to their children as it makes a difference. My eldest son is 4 1/2and goes into school next year but he is already reading novels. My secondson is 2 1/2 and loves books to the extent that he insists that I read tohim numerous times a day. My third son is 1 1/2 and he brings meTeletubbies and Maisy books (he has 3 favourites) to read ALL day. I am notsaying that your children will be genius' but if all it takes is a fewminutes a day for your children to be literate then why not. I am also notsaying that my children don't watch tv and run around - they watch far toomuch tv and are always playing - they just enjoy books too. Please beencouraged to read whenever they want you to. Also let them see you readingand not just watching tv!

    To get my kids to help around the house I have a schedule of tasks and the price that each pays, stuck on the fridge. e.g. wash the car $5, take out the rubbish 50 cents, wash the dishes $1. The kids decide how much pocket money they want each week and some weeks are fighting each other to do the chores.

    1) Always love your child.Tell them every day.
    2) Always be there for your child , give them a hug and a kiss.(even when they become teenagers)
    3) Listen to what they have to say.
    4) Support and encourage their dreams.
    5) Let them know that they should always tell the truth.As lying will get them into a lot more trouble.(Please note that sometimes you may have to teach them tact at a very young age.)
    6) Teach them to respect their elders.
    7) Teach them to be postive about all situations.
    8) Talk to them before problems occur. Dont swear at your children. Dont belittle your children.
    9) Let them become the person that they are meant to be, with guidance and support they will always do the right thing.
    10) Always love and be there for your child, let them know that your door is always open.

    Positive Parenting isn't always about what we ourselves teach and actively participate in, but can also involve taking a backseat and simply encouraging and enjoying our children and their pursuits.

    Learning to 'go with the flow' is something that is sometimes hard to do, but often the best thing. ...... I try to see the bigger picture, and to remind myself that it doesn't matter if my schedule goes out the window.

    I once heard a excellent approach to parenting which I try to live by myself. This mother never said no to her kids - but wait! there's more! the yes was always followed by an if or a when. Yes you can have a car -when you're old enough and have saved up your own money! Yes you can go out - when your room is clean and you chores are done! Yes you can borrow some money - if you surrender one of your cherished possessions until such time as the loan is paid back!

    When trying to discipline me I remember them always having to run out of the room to pick up their little 'positive parenting for teens' book. They would then struggle to find the correct page and read out exactly what was written. This worked quite well as a discipline method because I felt like breaking down and screaming just from seeing that book - let alone listening to what was written in it! Don't get me wrong - positive parenting is important. Although I just feel that parents should come up with their own ways and words to achieve this.

    I have found my toddlers demands for attention and constant whingeing are easily waylaid by me taking five minutes to sit with him, look him in the eye and really concentrate only on him while he says whats on his mind, this followed by a quick hug and hes on his way.

    Get to know your child better by seeing what they do in their spare time and see if you can join in as a friend more than a parent. My mother is my best friend and we go out together every weekend and that is because she learned how to be my friend and not just my mother.

    The thing that i think is so positive is that you can see a young mother learn how how to change their behaviour and way of communicating from one of being not in control to a more understanding and calm mother - this is done through her own ability to want to change to be a better mum - one her son will remember as loving and not always yelling.............i think this is the best gift to a child - which will enable them to have positive memories of their childhood when they are older.

    Positive parenting has saved my sanity! I knew even prior to birthing my children, that i wanted to parent differently to the way I was brought up. I wanted to avoid hitting my children, or screaming at them, making them scared of me. Yet, when my first born hit 18 months, and her challenging behaviour began, i could feel myself spiralling into parenting hell. Tears and tantrums were constant. And the toddler was chucking tantrums as well...not just me! The house was out of control, and it was affecting every aspect of my life....emotionally I was drained and depressed. Physically i was exhausted. My relationship with my child and my husband was suffering. So, desperate, i took a Positive Parenting class. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! I had *thought* that my toddlers personality was the problem. But, after trying positive parenting strategies and seeing the difference in her behaviour, i realise that the mess we were in was mostly due to the way i reacted to things. Its the simple strategies that have been most helpful. Praising her when she does the right thing. Having basic house rules, with consequences if they are broken. Frequently giving her short spurts of attention, even if i am busy.

    In addition to providing your children with the love and support they require so they grow up being creative, mature and competent young men and women, I believe it is essential in positive parenting to teach your children about money. As the major “negative” in most peoples lives, money needs to be positively taught as part of positive parenting....... Of course, you can only pass on to your children what you know about money.

    I encourage lots of kisses and cuddles and lots of praise. They need to know that they are doing well and that you believe in them afterall if you don't believe in them why would they believe in themselves.....Spare the ruler spool the child - I don't believe it. Use the ruler break the child's spirit is what I think.......Understanding, manners, caring, dignity, talking, compromise they are things that work for me.

    As parents we nurture our children and have a huge impact on how they will grow as individuals into adulthood. As adults we realise the power of positive thinking, imagine how that can transend a child from early childhood.. it will not only give you the child confidence but also the parent.

    With a kind and guiding hand through life's challenges Children are able to reach their full potential and have the courage to chase their dreams. I belive Children can never get too much love, or told too often just how special they are and how much they have to offer.

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